...And Ruth Creased The Yellow
Curtain
ACT I SCENE III
ACT I SCENE III
(The Old Bleeg Café: More carnage. A cow squirts, "Vrragang! Vrragggaaannngg!" into an ice-cream Corinth, standing erect
over land and sea. Old fish remain long-faced in the child's Whoopee Pond. All characters in this scene are already seated around the Café tables, drinking cups of tea until they are required to do their bit.)
(Wafer-thin panties climb scalene windows. Fat Angles roll about in the hot sun and crpe radiators favour sherbet laces.)
Like a fretting cat
Like a neurotic bat
Like a steaming agouti
Like a mirror image
Like a blue minx
Like a shaking mule
Like a blue Nile
Like a cowering fish
Like an enigmatic snowflake
Like a tower in a boat
Or a hook in a coat
Or a door in a flat,
I live in a mat
Because, Oh! Denizen of the deeper,
I've got you in my beaker,
Like a Zen
In a den
At the Zoo.
I've got no manual,
So I don't know how.
('Exit' Dimples the Cork. Santa "Father Xmas" Claus stands up, in traditional regalia, bearing traditional, over-sized sack.)
FAKE CHILD: A "My Little Pony" and The Skelton Twins, please, Father X'Mo!
SANTA "FATHER XMAS" CLAUS: Ho ho ho! Let's see what we've got in old Santa's sack...
(The sack is torn asunder from within. A Skelton Twin bursts forth)
FAKE CHILD: Squeal! It's Ronnie Skelton!
(Santa Xmas takes off false beard and costume, to reveal the three remaining Skelton Twins)
SANTA "FATHER XMAS" CLAUS, AKA THE THREE REMAINING SKELTON TWINS: (sing) The old town looks the same!
FAKE CHILD: Oooh! It's Ronnie, Barry and Barry!
(Applause from fake audience)
(That Bloody Narrator Mole or Something addresses all, through a cardboard megaphone)
THE SKELTON TWINS: (singing with complex fuguey counterpoint stuff)
See me teach you Anthrax in the Key of Life!
I can make whole roads out of walrus bow-ties,
I can suborn in Scandinavia?
To Bebop-A-Rimp-Trelge or not to Bebop-A-Rimp-Trelge?
You awed wantee insulee Moriarty?
Loins!
Go! Loinsome Cowboy! Go!
You wantee insultee, Moriarty?
That is the Questionarium!
The Questitunidon,
The crossword that walks in darkness,
That's some real 'Monster With The Rapier Maché Face' music!
Lor! Love a Gnette!
Mean, moody and uninteresting,
Please tighten your longerons!
Mall of Sound to be erected on this site...
Flick at the Fickle Odeon,
Flicka meets Death!
Death is seen!
But why, Dr Whateverperson?
Leave it to the pianist,
He knows what he's doing...
(FX off: Crashing sound and "Oooyah!" - FX off yourself! - The Skelton Twins, joined by the Narrator/Mole combination, continue to sing this nonsense at the back of the auditorium. The Fake Audience realises they've come to the wrong venue, so they leave the building, taking their Fake Children with them. The Lizard-Suited Extremist stands on a table to recite a poem about Allen Ginsberg)
Allen!
With a beard the length of a question,
You offer answers longer than your hair.
You, the wiggy prophet, come back.
Yesterday,
No one knew you.
Today,
The world retreats
At your sandalled feet.
Every village you visit,
The incense gets thicker,
The universe blacker,
But more clearly defined.
In six lines,
Mailer slaughtered,
Buried you in a shallow grave
Then exalted you
To the mediocre niche
Of life
In America.
You deserve to have your sex determined.
A tree is not a tree without you.
(Exit The Lizard Suited Extremist on the bicycle of his choice. For the technically-minded, this next bit starts with a phone ringing and
has the title 'Ding Dong! Alien Calling!'. A large comfy sofa is suspended from the ceiling. On it sits Other Dave Narthor. He answers the phone)
ALIEN VOICE: Hello, you don't know me, but I'm a Martian... from Mars, the Red Planet.
OTHER DAVE NARTHOR: Mother's out at the moment, can I take a message?
ALIEN VOICE: Yeah okay! We're going to take over Planet Earth... It's useless trying to stop us... Put down your weapons and surrender!
OTHER DAVE NARTHOR: Hey! It's Dave isn't it? Stop acting like a prune...
ALIEN VOICE: Earthling...
OTHER DAVE NARTHOR: Yes Dave?
ALIEN VOICE: My name isn't Dave... This is serious... Don't waste time...
OTHER DAVE NARTHOR: Stop pissing about, Dave!
ALIEN VOICE: My name isn't bloody Dave! My name is unpronounceable in your Earth language!
OTHER DAVE NARTHOR: Try me... I did French O-Level!
ALIEN VOICE: Okay... It's Jeff...
OTHER DAVE NARTHOR: Not Jeff Turner!?
ALIEN VOICE: No! Goodbye... and remember...
OTHER DAVE NARTHOR: Yes?
ALIEN VOICE: I am the Law in California, I am an Abba boon! A Geek in Harness, Lagour on wheels... Go on, show us your aberration scars! You know me, I'll drink anything that comes out of a tap... Oranges seek sanctuary, Candelabrador! You've seen the film, read the book, now have the operation... Do you wanna buy a look? Death to all ideas, in fact, thou shalt not have any fun at all... Frogspawnography, let us sneer... Lead, better described as uncreated automata, smoking stoves and curling lettuce of dispair, disdain echoing down the highway disposal unit... Then don't just hang about, lounge like a man! So... You detained the bird on your half-formed "mouldy bread" information, Sgt Trixo? A blanket of force! Split pine toilet trays, a crispbread massage, a drikky vintner? The massing of pretzels, the exorcism of a blocked-up tube, a scraping pheasant and a lignum vitae turnip season? Too soon for a Hoon!... Sunshake Tygro Legs Imegro! Seequo the Egg Marine will say anything for a packet of drones! A malt laugh, pity putty! It's glowing a bail outside! Oh my God! My fucking Christ! I've just seen a word in a fishes entrail... Oh! and leave the shed door open...
(FX - "Click! Brrrrrrr!", as the phone goes dead. Enter, on a separate piece of suspended furniture, 'Ice' Ted Fodd, Cecil B de Eyes and Mark Just Mark)
OTHER DAVE NARTHOR: A Martian...
MARK JUST MARK: Not again...
OTHER DAVE NARTHOR: No, no! This time it was definitely a Martian...
MARK JUST MARK: If he phones again, tell him we've got Alpine windows and we're very pleased with them...
OTHER DAVE NARTHOR: Okay...
'ICE' TED FODD: (cryptically) I've discovered a cure for counsel...
(FX: A car door slams, an engine starts, someone is heard to say "Sod it, have you got the Systems Checklist, Jeff?" and the engine stops. We are to presume that this is all going on outside of the
Café. Then a six-feet high hessian horse-head glove puppet wanders across the stage and then off again. We hear The Skelton Twins continue their strange fuguey thing from the back of the auditorium, or indoors if wet)
Matabele Gas Fritters Anonymous?
There's no such thing, you say?
Well name one!
Mick St Match, Iris Coccupation,
We've got a friend on bass and a palindrome!
Leek Gumbo, down on the Boyo!
"No way! Kind Sir!" she said.
Another evening squashed in a box
With a short-term death wish
Planning to graff
On the undersides of tube trains,
Surveying the air
With a theologelite...
Time to quantify the dishes,
Ashes to ashes
And back by nine!
More morbidity on the Northern Line.
The last of the Mau-Mau was shot today,
In the Kensington High Street branch of Woolworth's.
Paperback Miner,
Sexy sea-boot socks, seven-inch Coca Cola booths,
Blood drip in the boon ducks,
Time suddenly stands still
And death walks into the back of it.
Enumerate the amusements at Butlin's,
Express your enjoyment as a percentage,
Five ton moving staircase!
Muttony on the Bunty, Extremist Fish Sales Limited!
They're hiring artists by the day
On 42nd Street today!
Pigeon sorbet, muscle disgust
Discussgrapher on a quiz show dinosaur,
Lactophone scuba black diamantagram,
Black hole weed varieties,
Wooden somasomes,
Babies are like a cassette of leeches,
Convenience that won't let go!
Pray guital inner day
Less favourite hearings reveal cards
Blinking in the light of purple polyhedrons.
Pass threepence over an infinite void,
Gum-chewing angels
Late belay me!
(Sort-of-Exit, The Skelton Twins, to the inevitable standing ovation - If you're lucky they might do an encore - I hope they do "Be Built" or "Don't Touch Me I'm A Dentist" or "A Photo-Electric Cellar" or "5-3-1 And The Thin Seat Stays!" or
"A Sheep Had Wandered Onto The Stylus" or "Do The Sludge-Buck" or "What If We All Became Meaningless?" or anything by Pigshit Brocade, The Bovine Centurions, The Funny Cadets, The Tortoiseshell Wanderers, The Timeless Fried Onions, Penile Decay, Dick Dented & The Repairable Jeeps, Rick O'San & The Portable Toilets, Captain Mauve & The Osmiroids or The Snags, y'know, that band from Northampton - Just toying with
an idea... 'til it fell to bits... yes... or perhaps, no... Anyway... seated around the tables awaiting their turns, are The Tyler Girls, a Dame, a Nasty Man With Cloth Cap, A Beautiful Girl Covered In Tinsel and several Pantomime-Type
Characters, one of which looks suspiciously like the Narrator from the previous scene.)
Oh welcome to the pantomime,
All children big and small!
We hope you have a lovely time,
Come on! Let's have a ball!
See Mother Goose and Captain Kirk
And Jill the Circus Cow!
Get ready kids, to shout and clap,
The curtain rises now!
(That fanfare and a poorly-executed drum roll)
Jingle Bells! Jingle Bells! It's panto time again!
Oh! What fun we're going to have in Dreamland once again!
Oh! Jingle Bells! Jingle Bells! To Dreamland once again!
Oh! What fun weÕre going to have at the pantomime again!
Romping round again,
Like performing beans again,
Oh! What fun we're going to have,
It's panto time again!
Pantomime!
Panto Time!
Fun for all!
Oom Chuggalugga! Lugga!!
Oom! Chugga! Luggalugga!
Yes! It's Panto Time!
Jingle Bells!
Oh! What fun we're going to have, it's panto time again!
Oh! Bingle Jells! Binko smells just like a rubber crane... So!
Oh! What fun we're going to have at the pantomime again!
Pantomime again!
Panto Time again!
Fun for all again!
Oom Chuggalugga! Lugga! Again!
Oom! Chugga! Luggalugga! Again!
Yes! It's Panto Time!
Again!
(All make vomiting noises. The Nasty Man With Cloth Cap and Beautiful Girl Covered In Tinsel stand at the Bus Stop. The Man lights a fag,
looks sheepish then vomits for real. Enter the Principled Boy)
Her fur coat bit me on the larynx!
Hooligan! I'm a hooligan!
So I kicked her in the naso-pharynx
And she coughed like a rancid nasopod!
BEAUTIFUL GIRL COVERED IN TINSEL:
At the end of the rainbow,
I think there is
A pint of mushroom soup
And if you wear your bathing trunks,
You can fall in it... Gloop!
Tony's chins! This is baby's writing!
PRINCIPLED BOY:
Her milky white thighs walked around the pavement!
I'm a hooligan... Well! I'm a hooligan!
So I asked her what "obstreperous" meant
And she coughed like a rancid nasopod!
Yes! She coughed like a rancid nasopod!
Man's writing!
BEAUTIFUL GIRL COVERED IN TINSEL: There's money in whimbrels... a Leicester birdwatching attraction, the Sooty Whimbrel... Leicester's famous Ghost of the Bearded Nun? Spiralling arpeggios in soot-blackened concrete... The remains of a Roman piano, dug up at a Roman Night Club site... It's so satisfying, talking about tricycles... Hey everybody! Here comes Santa!
ALL PANTOMIME-RELATED CHARACTERS PRESENT: (sing)
Here comes Santa in his sleigh,
With his reindeer
And their names
Are Nobby, Greg and Susan
And up in front
With bright red nose
Is another reindeer!
Hip! Hip! Hip! Hooray!
Here comes old Santa's sleigh,
Bringing lots of toys and gifts,
So we can get pissed and play
With teddy bears and after-shave,
A plastic sheep for Uncle Dave,
A new bow-tie and a trainset
And a thing for keeping fishes wet!
THE SEVEN DWARF: (spoken) Here he is, children! Hello, Santa!... Hello... Um... Hello then...
A MULTITUDE OF PANTOMIME-TYPE CHARACTERS: (sing)
Old Santa's in our fireplace,
With lots of soot all on his face
And look! He's brought us loads of prezzies,
Such as socks and Arab fezzes!
Xmas is a lovely time
And we all sit round the tree
And watch the decorations gleam...
It's great, you must agree!
The festoons hang, like coloured bats,
Across the ceiling to the light
And we all hang out our Xmas socks
Upon this Xmas night.
The snow is falling in the yard,
The milk is in the sink...
It really is a Christmas card
And the reindeer need a drink...
Of milk with sherry in a glass,
To keep the cold wind out,
Because, according to old Santa Claus,
His friends tend to suffer from gout.
Christmas Day, out come the balloons.
We hurriedly inflate them
And play about like silly goons,
Until dinner's ready!
BEAUTIFUL GIRL COVERED IN TINSEL: Once upon a time, in a land many miles up the M3 and turn off after Guildford, towards Bagshot, there lived a wicked Prince called Zebu Kanirzer, who had invisible clothes and a very small kingdom... But it was large enough to have a Queen, so he made up his mind to marry. He kidnapped his lovely niece, the female impersonator called Miss Wishy Washy the Ugly Cistern and took her to his strange castle in Scene Three, to have his wicked way with her. But the kidnapping incident had been witnessed by General Goatylegs, as featured in the popular Hans Anderson fable, "The Sheepdog, The Chimney-Sweep and The Submarine". He told Tom Thumb who, in turn, squealed to the Seven Dwarf, who set off into the Witchy Wood to search for Miss Wishy Washy, much against the advice of their chiropractor... Now listen on...
THE SEVEN DWARF: (singing, on his own)
I'm Farty... He's Farty!
I'm Jimmy... He's Jimmy!
I'm Gary... He's Gary!
I'm Baldy... He's Baldy!
I'm Lumpy... He's Lumpy!
I'm Anarchy... He's Anarchy!
I'm Pumpholder... He's Pumpholder!
Together I'm the Seven Dwarf!
Hi Ho! Hi Ho! Hi Ho! Hi Ho Hi Ho Hi Ho! Hi Ho! Hi Hi Ho Ho Hi... um... Ho Hi Ho Hihi Hoho! And off to work I go!
(spoken, to himself)
I'm afraid of these dark woods, Lumpy... So am I, Anarchy... I know, let's sing a song to keep the ghosts and monsters away...
(sung)
I am the Seven Dwarf
And I'm walking through the trees,
I'd like you creatures of the night
To stay away, oh please!
(spoken) ...um, I can't think of anymore words, Gary!... Let's whistle, Baldy... Yes! Let's whistle! (tuneless whistling) ...Now your turn, Lumpy!... (whistle) Now you try!
(Sudden outburst of nasty panto-villain laughing, from behind a tree, which is odd, because we're still in the Old Bleeg Café, remember?)
(Zebu Kanirzer enters from outside of the Café, bringing with him the fake tree, which he then throws to one side)
THE SEVEN DWARF: Leave us alone, horrible ugly wizened old Zebu Kanirzer! I'm off to work in the mine fields!
ZEBU KANIRZER: Should I let them go to work, children? (pause) Oh no I won't! Ha ha ha ha! I know... I think I'll have you two dwarves... Ha ha ha! Gary and Baldy! Come here... I like a biscuit with my tea... Heh heh heh!
(sings)
I like a tea break in the morning,
I like a tea break for my tea,
I like a tea break at any time of the day,
Because I'm always thir - ir -stee! Ha ha ha!
THE SEVEN DWARF: Oh no! We're going to be eaten by evil ol' shitnosed Zebu Kanirzer...
ZEBU KANIRZER: There's no one here to help you, my little man! (sings) Climb upon my knee, Sonny Boy! I want you for my tea, Sonny Boy! Heh heh heh!
(Another popular pantomime character, known only as Mr Cat, joins the 'action')
(Mr Cat chases Zebu Kanirzer across the Café)
THE SEVEN DWARF: Thank you, Mr Cat!
MR CAT: Let's sing a song as we go!
ALL PANTO-RELATED ENTOURAGE:(sing and dance)
We're off to work in the mine fields!
The mine fields!
The mine fields!
We're off to work in the mine fields,
'Cos the money's really good!
We dig for mines
And put up signs,
We put them in a sack
And then we have them cleaned and primed,
Then we put the buggers back! Oi!
MR CAT: I don't think we'll be troubled by old pimplenose Zebu Kanirzer anymore... But it's a shame he keeps his beautiful niece Miss Wishy Washy in a shark-infested dungeon...
THE SEVEN DWARF: We ought to save her... Don't you think so, children? (pause) Should we, children? (pause) We'd better take the children's advice... What do you think, Lumpy?... Yes! Let's save her... I've got some rope... And I've got a chainsaw... And I've got some magic fart pellets... And I've got ten shillings... And I've got a stout pair of boots... And I've got a map of Murky Moor... And I've got a driving licence...
(sings)
What ain't we got?
We ain't got gals!
We got bits of rope from China
And money for to spend!
We got boots an' maps an' fart pellets
An' a chainsaw we can lend!
We got a drivin' licence
An' Mr Cat, our friend!
What ain't we got...?
(spoken) What haven't we got, children? (pause) Let's do that again.. What ain't we got, children? (pause) Yes, that's right! A pair of bagpipes!... Righto, men! Off we go to Zebu Kanirzer's castle, high up on a crag and surrounded by huge talking spiders... Come! Let's run quickly!... Oooyah!... Oh dear! Jimmy's severed his head on a hazel thorn! How can we cure him, children? (pause) Yes! We could use Germolene... but what else? (pause) That's right, children! Vinegar and brown paper!... But we haven't got any vinegar and brown paper, Gary!
MR CAT: I've got some brown paper, Dwarf!
CARL SANDEN: ...And I've got some vinegar! ...some very special vinegar...
MR CAT: Oh! Boys and girls... It's the Comical Vinegar Stylings of Mr Carl Sanden!
(real applause)
(FX: A mysterious process, known only to trained Foley technicians, involving glugging bottles and bowls of water)
CARL SANDEN: No sorry! I'm performing at the Bishopsfield Hippodrome panto... "Ali Bingbong & The Forty Steves"...
THE SEVEN DWARF / MR CAT: Pull that plug out, Carl! Heh heh heh!
(raspberry noise)
THE SEVEN DWARF: Here we are at the craggy wild cliff, where stinking, louse-ridden old smelly old poopy-face Zebu Kanirzer lives... and poor Miss Wishy Washy is eaten twice a day by massive razor-wielding shark fishes... Is it true that the castle is guarded by huge talking spiders, Mr Cat?
MR CAT: No.
THE SEVEN DWARF: Thank goodness... (pause) Oh no he isn't! (pause) Oh no he isn't!
MR CAT: I can't see Captain Hook hiding behind the mixing desk! Can you, Jimmy?
THE SEVEN DWARF: No! I think the children are winding us up! Are you winding us up, kiddies?
(Pause... then that old standby, the raspberry)
('Enter' Captain Hook)
I'm Captain Hook
And I'll take a look
At what goes on down here!
I'll show these Dwarf
What's what, alright!
I'll show the buggers fear!
THE SEVEN DWARF: Oh flipping heck, Mr Cat! It's Captain Hook... and he's got a grenade!
CAPTAIN HOOK: Aye, that's right, me hearties! When Desmond the alligator bit my hand off, I had this grenade fitted... It's useful for blowing open cans of fizzy drink!
MR CAT: Let us pass, Captain Hook! We are going to save Miss Wishy Washy, who is incarcerated in a black dungeon, where enormous bee-eating lizards bite her legs every time the crew sings "Ghost Riders In The Sand"... All together, children, sing along, follow the bouncing Dwarf...
(Everyone in the café sings their own interpretation of "Ghost Riders In The Sky". It is an absolute cacophony and anything but 'all together')
(sings) Who wants to be a Seven Dwarf?
I do
And I do
And I do
And I do
And I do
And I do
And I do!
CAPTAIN HOOK: Cut the cackle, my short-legged friend... And fight me for the hand of Miss Wishy Washy!
MR CAT: I, Mr Cat, will fight you fairly and squarely! Choose your weapon!
CAPTAIN HOOK: Ha ha har! Dwarves at fifteen paces!
THE SEVEN DWARF: Oh help!
MR CAT: Better still, Captain Hook, we shall use custard pies!
CAPTAIN HOOK: Nope! Choose again, Whittington!
MR CAT: What shall we use, children? (pause) ...Righto! We shall use Enchanted My Little Pony Nuclear Bomb Transformer Robot Tanks, as the children recommended! Bang!
CAPTAIN HOOK: Ouch! (he dies)
MR CAT: Now... Let's scale the crazy cliff to barnacle-encrusted stinkfoot Zebu Kanirzer's castle...
(Mr Cat and The Seven Dwarf proceed to climb the walls of the Café interior. We are meant to use our imaginations at this point)
MR CAT: (sings)
I am a talking pussy cat,
My paws are very strong
My ears stick up like traffic cones
And this is my climbing song!
Meow! Meow meow! Purr! Purr!
Meow meowmeow! Meow!
I'm climbing up this craggy cliff!
Meow! Purr! Hiss!
(spoken) Don't look down, Dwarf! We're nearly at the top! Huge Lump of Coal! I can see the jagged teeth of the castle battlements... Look out! Here comes some falling masonry!
(sings) Listen to the rhythm of the falling masonry,
Telling me just what a fool I've been...
Watch out chums! Mind your heads! Here comes a rock!
It's just a pretend one, made of polystyrene!
(spoken) Here we are, outside the dank weasel-scented castle of neo-fascist ex-hockey player bumface, Zebu Kanirzer... Let's climb the wall and save Miss Wishy Washy!
THE SEVEN DWARF: Why don't we go in through the door?
MR CAT: Let's ask the children! How shall we get in the castle, children? (pause) Don't be bloody stupid!
(Miss Wishy Washy sits under a table at the opposite end of The Old Bleeg Café)
THE SEVEN DWARF: Who's that shouting for help, Mr Cat?
MR CAT: I thought it was Farty doing a 'you know what'.
THE SEVEN DWARF: It wasn't me, Mr Cat.
MR CAT: It must be poor Miss Wishy Washy, trapped in the badly wallpapered dungeon, knee-deep in poisoned Ovaltine!
THE SEVEN DWARF: Let's save her... (pause) Okay! Forward Dwarfs! (pause) Here we come, Miss Wishy Washy! (pause) Cor blimey! I don't mind if I never climb a hundred-foot castle wall covered in pantomime ivy, ever again, Mr Cat!
MR CAT: Look! There's the filthy eel-bespattered old wart himself, Zebu Kanirzer! We have come to save Miss Wishy Washy from certain death, in her cage lined with real meat-eating leopard - pronounced 'lee-oh-pard' - bats...
A CAFÉ EMPLOYEE: Don't touch that lever!
(FX - something happens)
MR CAT: Meeoow!
ZEBU KANIRZER: (finishes his cup of tea) Ha ha ha! I have caught you like termites in a toolbox! You will stay there until you are mere skellingtons... food for my rat-bears!
(FX - something else happens)
MISS WISHY WASHY: Help! Help!
THE SEVEN DWARF: It's coming from over there... Oh poo! What a smell!
MR CAT: We've come to save you from the clutches of old 'Harry Shitnose' Kanirzer, Miss Wishy Washy! Take my paw!
MISS WISHY WASHY: Oh! Thank you for saving me from a fate worse than eating Zebra Gristle in Slug Innard Sauce! Let's get married!
MR CAT: Alright! Come on... Lumpy, you can be the Archbishop of Stockton... Baldy, you can be bridesmaid... Pumpholder and Jimmy, you can be ushers... Gary, you can be best man... and Anarchy, you can be my father-in-law...
THE SEVEN DWARF: What about me?
MR CAT: You can wait outside the church, Farty!
(sings) If you wish upon a star,
You can have a decent car
Or a house in Cheltenham Spa
If you just wish...
Let the party begin!
MISS WISHY WASHY: Oh! Let's invite old ripsnorter-pheasant-breath, Zebu Kanirzer... It would be a shame to leave him in his typhoidy old castle... Come on, Zebu... Join in!
ZEBU KANIRZER: Well thank you, Dwarf and Mr Cat... I think I'm going to cry, for all your kindness... What can I do to make you forgive me of my evil ways?
THE SEVEN DWARF: Sing us a song!
ZEBU KANIRZER: Alright!
(bloozy singing) Ah'm a tapir with trousers on!
Ummm! Oh yeah babe!
Got tah see mah own sweet honey,
Way down in that astrolabe!
Fish pancake salt Missouri,
Leavin' sharp at half past eight!
Gonna swim jus' lahk a parakeet
Out on the Oakland Freight!
What's good fer that ol' gander babe,
Ain't good fer eels nor yellow-throated reed warblers, yeah!
So when yah get mah letter,
Ah'll be far away from here!
(Curtain falls, but at the back of the Café - The assembled cast members go back to the tables and finish their meals - General canteeny activities continue until, after far too
long, the lights go down.)
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